sarah and mo have mixed feelings about Glen Frey (we meant don henley and also don't actually care, JEFF)

sare:I think my feet might be stinky
mo: ut ohs!
did you walk through some dirty laundry?
sare: everyday
its called my bedroom floor
OH SNAPS
mo: get 'em when they're up, get 'em when they're down
sare: NO
no get stuck in heads
mo: hee haw
mo: get 'em when they're up, get 'em when they're down
sare: STOP IT
mo: DIRTY LAUNDRY
sare: I hayte that guy
mo: HE HATES YOU AND HAS BLOCKED YOUR EMAILS
SO STOP EMAILING HIM
ITS GOING TO THE NOWHERES
sare: HE NEEDS TO WRITE BACK
MAYBE HE JUST USY
BUSY
mo: HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW YOU WRITE ANYMORE
YOU'S BLOCKED
sare: YOU DONT KNOW THAT
mo: I KNOW BECAUSE HE AND I STILL HAVE THE OCCASIONAL HOW YOU DOING EMAIL
BECAUSE WELL
I THINK YOU KNOW WHY
sare: [BLOCKED]
[SOPRRY YOU ARE BLOCKED]
mo: sarie ... i know i ain't blocked because when you are blocked you can't see it
boom
sare: [I CANT HERE YOU]
mo: OH BROTHER - I 'HERE' YOU
BECAUSE I SEE YOU TYPING
sare: [I SAID R U READY TO ROCK?]
mo: HERE!
HERE I AM!
RIGHT HERE!
sare: [ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE]
[THAT HAS TOTALLY BEEN BLOCKED]
mo: OBVIOUSLY NOT BLOCKED BECAUSE YOU TOTALLY KNOWS WHAT I SAID AT YOUS ON THE GTALK
sare: [OH YOU WISH YOU WERENT' BLOKED ITS OK]
[I NUNDERSTAND]
mo: YOU AREN'T MAKING ME CRY BY THE WAY
sare: [OK]
mo: AH HA!
IN YOUR FACES!
sare: [IN MY FACES WHAT]
[YOU SO BLOCKED IT SAD]
mo: YOU ARE SO CRAZY IN YOUR PRETTY BRUNETTED HEAD ITS HUMOROUS
sare: [OK]
mo: OK WHAT NOT EVEN SENSICAL
sare: [YOU SAY NICE THINGS I THINKG ABOU TUINBLOCKING YOU]
mo: YOURE EASY LIKE SUNDAY MORNING
sarie: [IS THAT A COMPLIMENT OF WHAT?]
[OR WHAT?]
mo: YOURE CLEARLY READING IT
YOU FIGURES IT OUT YOU ARE THE SMARTEST GIRLS IN KNOW
sare: [MORE COMPLIMENTIES I LIKE THEM
]
mo: UM
YOUR HAIR SMELLS THE PRETTY
sare: [YOU BEING SARCASTIC]
[DOUBLE BLOCKED]
mo: HOW IS THAT SARCASTIC?
I SMELLED YOUR DAM ASS HAIR LAST NIGHT
AND UM
IT WAS NICE
AND YOU ARE UM
sare: [OK]
mo: A JACKIMO NOW
sare: [I UNBLOCK YOU]
mo: NOPE! COMPLEMENTS CUT OFF
NO
DON'T BOTHER
sare: BUT I UNBLOCK YOU
mo: sigh
sare: YOU ARE FREE TO MOVE ABOU TTHE FRIENDSHIP CABIN
YOU ARE WELOCME TO CROSS THE BORDER
mo: AM I STEPPING ON DIRTY LAUNDRY
sare: YOU CAN CLIMB THE BERLIN WALL AND GET YOUR PICTURE WITH THAT DRUNK, HASSELHOFF

sare: totally stuck in my head now. nice
mo: yes!
sare: >spoon in brain<

mo puts her ass on the line for a calculator

mo: Get this ... I'm trying to order a calculator online through office max
the calculator is EIGHT DOLLARS
the company has a policy about calculators and it is that i have to get a form filled out with [name redacted]'s SIGNATURE
EIGHT DOLLARS
i just bought $40 worth of CDs on Friday
sare: ohmyjeeziz

[SMALLTALK CENSORED]

mo:so re: calculator
i said this is fucking stupid - i'll have him go to duane reade and get it
and they just called off the dogs and ordered it
weird
sare: hhmmm
this calculator seems pretty important
mo: ha
sare: so important that they're willing to go over [name redacted]'s head
mo: then, she called and said it was being ordered
sare: WHAT ARE THEY NOT TELLING YOU?
mo: ITS FULL OF AL QUADIA!
THAT'S RIGHT AL QUADIA!
THE ITALIAN BOMB PEOPLES
sare: THE CALCULATOR IS FULL OF TERRORISM AND KILLING
mo: IT WILL SET OFF FIRE ALARMS !
ANOTHER CALL IN!
THEY ARE HOPING THEY HAVE IT IN STOCK ...
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN
sare: look for answers

BUT WATCH YOUR BACK

mo: proceed with caution
THEY CALLED AGAIN! MY DEPARTMENT CODE IS NOT IN THE SYSTEM
sare: MICHELE, GET OUT OF THERE!!!!!!!!!
mo: POOF

sare & mo have brush with fame

michele: so yeah
thats my story
someone hung up on me!
on my cell phone!

sare: dix

michele: i think i was very close to being famous today

sare: !

michele: how would we have spent the monies?

sare: i'd have asked if you could buy me one of those really big packs of cinnamon gum the kind you get at sam's club

michele: i would have purchased said gum as well as slurpies

sare: like the kind you put on a SHELF at a STORE
and i could eat the whle thing over the course of a few weeks

michele: shit sarie! i'm famous - you can eat it in one settiing - i'd totesgetyoumore

sare: an embarrasment of riches

michele: but i'd try not to embarrass you

sare: well, you'd be rich and I'd still be me
so it would be sticky if we were still friends

michele: nah - you'd be famous too

sare: maybe we should say our goodbyes

michele: NAH

sare: its been a good run

michele: THATS STUPID!
PUNCH YOUR HEAD!

sare: whuh?
huh?
you'll still be my bff
even if i'm po

michele: THEY PROLLY ONLY HAD MY NUMBER BUT WERE CALLING ABOUT KILL SECRETARY KILL & OUR BIG ASS SHOWS ON THURSDAYS @ 11

sare: oh snap

michele: YOU KNOW? THE ONE AT THE PIT! @ 11?

sare: i feel so used

michele: ON THURSDAYS
i tried! i tried to plug you!

sare: dirty
dirty
dirty

michele: you gonna be the new manager at the pit?
sare: do you know naybody who needs a job as a house manager?

sare: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WE ARE THE SAME PERSON

sare & mo have a business plan

sare: i'm just writing on the internet a lot

mo: thats fun!
i love doing that
but then i saw that i'm almost the biggest freak on the board and realized that i should be killed
MURDERED
with a knife!
in my throat

sare: oh no

mo: (too far? not far enough says i)
MURDERED SARAH!
AND IT WOULD BE UP TO YOU TO FIND OUT WHO
OR ELSE I WOULD HAUNT YOU

sare: i'd want you to haunt me

mo: i'd have to
because i'd a) miss you
b) be afraid in which direction I'd be going
and c) MY KILLER WOULD STILL BE LOOSE

sare: yeah
so you could like, warn me
and also, you could come over whenever

mo: i could eat whatever i wanted

sare: like, who needs the n train, amirite?

mo: totesrite

sare: and, i just added sports night on my netflix

mo: fuck YES

sare: so you can come over and watch it

mo: i am gonna go get murdered to make this happen

sare: i would love it if you went through my house and threw stuff around so my landlord would totes give me a discount

mo: and applied make-up on your face when you sleep so you'd wake up and just leave

sare: oh neat
i never even thought of that feature

mo: because in the AFTERLIFE, i'd be really good with beauty application

sare: that would be a power
along with invisibility

mo: AND! i would totesfart in sticky situations that do not involve you

sare: i can think of some in which that would be really funny and beneficial to me socially
ghost
farts

mo: sarie!
did you do a call back ...
OR A GHOST?

sare: i didnt do a ghost

mo: right.
totesfart

sare: that will be the name of the german luggage company i am going to start

mo: totesfarten

sare: yes!
the name alone

mo: i will be your spokeswoman as soon as i am murdered

sare: cool
thank you

mo: i'm really looking forward to being murdered

sare: this is going to be great for us

mo: i'm going to have so much ice cream & beer

sare: totesfarten

sare and mo want you to stop m.f.ing calling and hanging up

me: 4 HANGUPS IN A ROW
GAAAAARGH
mo: someone wants to hear your sex voice
me: i punch
mo: i'll hold them
me: thanks!
its my own fault for using my sex voice
mo: ITS SO HOT
and its me
oops
i'll go punch
me: oh
doctor punch thyself
mo: in my UTTEROUS!
yes!
UTTEROUS
H
a

sare and mo take an imagination break

mo: what shall we do?
fly away in our crazy super jet
sare: first I’m going to eat this prescription piece of candy
sweet sweet medicine
then pretend this chair is a rollercoaster
mo: I’m on a cloud!
sare: oh great!
is that where you want to be?
or are you scared of falling?
mo: always wanna be on a beach
sare: DONT LOOK DOWN
mo: but I think I’d like to float too
sare: clouds don’t have nadles
handles i meant!
mo: they do too! they're made out of blankies
sare: i am worried about you up there
AND THIS ROLLERCOASTER IS REALLY FAST!
mo: THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN
sare: I'M TRYING BUT THIS KID NEXT TO ME IS GONNA PUKE
mo: I'M GETTING TOO HIGH THE AIR IS TOO THIN
sare: LET'S PICK NEW PLACES!
QUICK!!!!
mo: I'm in bed in my palace in Italy
sare: *sigh
i miss you
mo: COME GET IN BED WITH ME
sare: oh my god
this is not that kind of website!
NEXT
mo: COME ON!
JUST FOR THE PUDDING
sare: NEXT
Ok
just for a minutes.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
italy though?
i dont know.
mo: not for you?
sare: italy
mo: think of the boys
they're pretty their
sare: I guess it's great
mo: I MEAN THERE
THERE
THERE
sare: 100% playas! not my style
oh
mo: they've got pretty brown eyes
sare: i just made a racist statement
see?
mo: i said they all have brown eyes!
sare: this is what happens when i get into bed with you
mo: i pet your hair though
see
sare: i become a racialist
mo: its nice and soft like A CLOUD
sare: ok
oh
ok
i get the could thing now
cloud
mo: i thought you said, i could get the thing now and that turned it really naughty in my mind!
sare: you know what I don't get?
mo: strapons?
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I WAS THINKING
sare: is that we aren't totally stoned right now
mo: * looks at brownie
Sare: Sweet sweet medicine

Sare & Mo Have a Show*

mo: i just wrote a long, angry email to my coworker. Telling him we should break off the affair, but then I deleted it!

sare: No you didn't! You sent it!

mo: Oh, did I! OK, I’ll just go back and delete now then.

sare: you just sent it to your ENTIRE CONTACTS LIST! Man, Mo! You’re a fucking idiot.

----------------------------

sare: I forgot to pick up my boss’s dry cleaning!

mo: Boy, he’s gonna be STEAMED.

sare: I know. He gets really mad, and I can’t afford to lose my job right now

mo: but, do you get it? “Steamed”.

sare: I know! He just yells and yells and he reminds me of my father and I could never make him happy, it’s like “oh I got this interview at this awesome place, “ and he’s like “what are you going to do answer the phones?” and it’s LIKE I CAN DO OTHER THINGS DAD.

mo: OK – Its OK … Um. Next up ...

----------------------------

sare: Mo, Can you believe that Jeremiah played a joke on us and set us up with 4 dates tonight instead of 2?

mo: Um, Sarie, the real joke here is us having dates.

----------------------------

* Thursdays in June (June 8, 15, 22nd (no 29th - we're gonna be at PIF that day), we're hosting a new show @ The Peoples Improv Theater for people to come and form teams and make the improv fun. It's at 11:00 PM and brother, its a blast. We should have told you yesterday but we were working out the quirks and the stuffs and now, we're ready for you!