Thursday, August 31, 2006

sare and mo celebrit-itemize

mo: why we wish people would stop picking on that guy who was a kid in the 6th sense by us
i'll go first
1) you guys picked on that home alone kid and then! he married too young
2) at least he's not going naked and raped in movies like the adorable Dakota

sare: oh shiver
3) you totally liked that movie

mo: 4) he's been so quiet and not all druggy really
- dui's NEVER count at least that's what my dad says

sare: 5) duis kind of count though

mo: 6) yeah. my dad is after all a drunk
(pop, if you're reading - totes no offense)

sare: 7)was he famous when he was a kid?

mo: 8) no but he was a drunk!
(again no offense pop)

sare: 9) sorry, i walked away. the coffee machine broke so now I have to prepare myself to hear grown men cry

mo: 10) that's worse than ANYTHING young'un haley joel has done to anyone ... i mean after the debalacle of pay it forward, he's been such a good boy ... except of course for the dui which i agree in retrospect isn't a good idea

sare: 11) i need to tell you, as much as I think this is a great topic, i've sort of started to stop caring about celebrities. not that you should start stopping

mo: 12) fair enough

sare: 13) please go on
14) I'm just like
15) i can't get it up for movie peoples like i usta could
16) are we in a fight?

mo: 17) i don't think so
18) the only celebrity that i'll ever fight over / for is of course russel crowe
19) because i love a bad boy

sare: 20) he's ok

mo: 21) i don't want to fight!

sare: 22) oh of course not!

mo: 23) then ok! we're agreed! one thing i know for certain, we both love steak

sare: 24) we both love kittens and puppins

mo: 25) and the sixth sense

sare: 26)Oh! and To Kill a Mockingbird

mo: 27) each other

sare: 28)oh totally

mo: 29) seriously
30) did you go away?

sare: 31) no, i was considering how ghey for you I was willing to go
32)cat link
33)so yeah

mo: 34) its boo! but why they gotta be making the words for the animals ... I may be alone on this but its wrong

sare: oh
35) I have no sound

mo: 36) i didn't think you did in fact i KNOW it because sometimes when i send you stuff you say i can't hear it and i say its ok its better with just visual ... you know i'm not sure i said that

sare: 37) I tend to think "oh, I will look whne I get home" and hten I get home and I check myspace and then take a nap and maybe have some mashed potatoes.

mo: 38) i don't answer my phone at home when i'm home because i hate phones because of being a secretary
39) this was relating to you but it might have felt like it came out of nowhere

sare: 40) i had a roomate who was a dishwasher and she never did her damn ass dishes
41) how many are we going up to?

mo: 42) someone here from the work place who is also a secretary said that she's tired of being too intelligent for the job ...
43) i guess 50?

sare: 44) oh.
45) ok
46) did i derail the conversation? I'm sorry.

mo: 47) i just wanted to say, do you have a blog or celebrity thing because this job takes tons of intelligence
48) no, i'm like a race car driver ... in some metaphorical way that will never be understood by man

sare: 49)I guess that's ok then.
50) 50

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

sare & mo r learnin' the facts of life

sare: would I make a good lesbian?

mo: no

sare: aw.
I know

mo: ha

sare: i just hate men so much

mo: yeah
i know kitten

sare: it doesn't make me like women anymore though
eh
worht a shot!
I was a lezbean for about 45 seconds

mo: they like you though!
and isn't that what its all about?
being able to REJECT?

sare: truetrue
reject lesbians?
lesbians love me

mo: just rejection in general!
get with the program!

sare: who have I ever rejected?

mo: GET WITH THE PROGRAM!
jeez sarie!

sare: YOU GET WITH THE PROGRAM

mo: i AMS!
i rejected plenty of stuffs

sare: YOU GET WITH IT

mo: for example?
I REJECT MOST BEANS!

sare: I LOVE BEANS

mo: GET WITH THE PROGRAM

sare: YOU GET WITH IT!

mo: I AMS

sare: I REJECT NOTHIGN
NOTIHGN 2 REJECTATHON

mo: SO MUCH TO REJECTATHON
I START WITH BEANS AND I MOVE TO HIP HUGGING JEANS

sare: I HAVE NOTHING TO REJECT
I FEELS BAD
2 REJECT THINGS

mo: YOU BORING
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
THAT ME SLEEPING

sare: jeremy piven is kind of tasty

mo: sweet bitch yes

sare: too bad I HATE ALL MEN

mo: HOWEVER REJECT HIM BECAUSE HE A LOHAN LOVAH
IE 40 YEAR OLD MAN SEARCHING FOR LOST TOYS INSIDE OF 21 YEAR OLD
oh. noes. that was nasties

sare: yeah, yer freaking me out
also, i don't thnk i have much of a chance with him

mo: YOU BORING
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
THAT ME TAKIN NAP TWOS

sare: I REJECT YOU DAM ASS SLEEP
YOU GO BED EARLY

mo: HAZAAAAAAH!
YOU REJECT SOMETHINGS

sare: yes
!

mo: i think we're all bigger peoples

sare: also, 118 dollar sweaters. i fI spent 118 dollars on a sweater I'd have to get married in tit
tit
tit
tit

mo: I would never reject your tits

sare: of course I AM NEVER GETTING MARRIED
SO NO SWEATER!

mo: WHAN WHAAAAAAAA

sare: NOW HOW DO YOU FEEL, THE GAP?

mo: that's supposed to be sound of oh brother
SARIE

sare: I REJECT!

mo: YOU R GONNA FIND UNSTUPID MANS
UNTIL THEN
REJECT !
!
!

sare: don't really want to
ha
that would be smart
sounds like me!
I reject your reality and substitute my own.

Friday, August 18, 2006

sare and guest get prank'd

sare: DEARMACGIKC 8 BAL
WHY IS GHOST ALWAYS ON VH1 IT IS NOT A MOVIE THAT ROCKS
Sent at 2:32 PM on Friday
sare: FINE I GO ASK SOEM STRANGER WHO WILL MUG ME BYE
Sent at 2:34 PM on Friday
Chris: DFONT DO IT SARAH!!!! THE ANSWER IS BECAUSE THE SONG ABOTU THE CHAIN MELODY WAS A HUGE HIT!
Sent at 2:38 PM on Friday
sare: BUT DOES IT ROCK I VENTURE TO ANSWER IS NO
Sent at 2:41 PM on Friday
sare: WELL THIS HASE BEEN GOOD FOR IUS I THINK WE ARE MAKEING HEADWAY
Chris: NOW I HAVE THAT SONG ABOUT THE CHAIN GANG STUCK IN MY HEAD!
UHH!
AHH!
UHH!
AHH!
sare: YOU ARE A CHAINCHAINCHAIN OF FOOLZ
Chris: THAT'S THE SOUND OF THE MAN
THEY WORKING ON THE CHAIN
ON THAT GAY-EE-YAY-YANG!
THAT'S THE SOUND OF THE MAN
THEY WORKING ON THE CHAI-YEE-YEE GANG!
sare: YOU ARE CHAINS MADE OF PAPR THAT YOU RIP AT DECEMBER TIME
ALTERNATING RED AND GREAAN, YOU ARE
Sent at 2:46 PM on Friday
Chris: No, Sarah. I am not.
OMG! ILEFT MY COMPUTER LOGGED ON AND A PRANKSTER WALKED BY AND THIS IS WHAT HE OR POSSIBLEY SHE WROT? BOOOOOORING!!!!
sare: YU R A CHAIN RESTAURANT
Sent at 2:53 PM on Friday
sare: THE PEOPEL YOU WORK WITH ARE BORRRING PRANKSTERS
"OH LOOK MY PANTS ARE BAGGGY" CHRIS KWAKO HAS LOOGED OFF.
Chris: RITE?
sare: SRSLY
MY FEET ITCH AND MIGHT STINK.
OH NOES!
I WALKED AWAY FROM MY COMPUTER AND SOMEONE TYPED IN THE BBOX
Sent at 2:56 PM on Friday
Chris: HAH!! HOW MUCH WAS REALLY YOU?!?!!?
DID YOU REALLY GO ASK A STRANGE WHO MUGT YOU AND THEN CAME BACK AND EVERTHING SINCE THEN WAS HIM OR POSSIBLY SHIM?
sare: OH KWAKIE I JUST CAME BACK FROM BEING MUGGED SO! WHAT'S THE CONVERSATION?
Sent at 2:59 PM on Friday
Chris: SAME OLD SAME OLD!
sare: OK SO I GOT THE ANWSWER AND THE ANSWER IS VH1 IS A BIG SWAYZE FAN
VH1 IS GHEYZE
Sent at 3:02 PM on Friday
sare: AND TYHEN I GOT MUGGED BUT I DIDNT HAVE MY PURSE WITH ME SO NOW THE MUGGER HAS MY WORK KEYS
Chris: IS THIS RAILY SRAH!?!?
sare: YES IT IS
THE MUGGER IS GONE
Chris: WHEEWWWWS!
sare: HE GOT A COFFEE AND I GAVE HIM DIRECTIONS
Chris: AND THEN ALL YOUR FRIENDS AND CCREW LEAPED OUT AND YELLED 'MUG'D!""!"!!
sare: THERE WAS A CAKE WITH GUMMI WORMS ON IT
AND I WAS LKIE "SNAKES ON APLANE HILARIOUS" SARCASM
Chris: MUG'D!!!!
sare: DID YOU GET A CAKE WHEN YOU WERE ON MUGD?
DID THEY USE SOME STUPID MOVIE THEME ON THE CAKE?
WAS IT A GHOST CAKE?
Sent at 3:09 PM on Friday
Chris: AN UNCHAINED CAKEDY!!!!
BOOM!
CALLBACK CITY!!!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

sare and mo talk to a celebrity

mo: EEP!
OH
i maybe?
will punch paltrow in the throat:
For Paltrow, parenting is "a total joy" — and a major time commitment.

"I do not know how single mothers have more than one child with no help," she tells the magazine. "It requires so much of my life, and I don't have to change sheets and clean toilets, you know."

sare: DEar Gwyneth
You're probably doing it wrong.

mo: Dear Gwyneth,
Remember that time you were really famous and dating Brad?
And you were just adored, etc?
Well, you had a child named Apple and I think for many, this was the straw ...
for me? It was you winning an oscar over Kate Blanchet, which I will give you was not your fault
the dress, however, was
Now, please don't come back to the limelight
love,
Mo

sare: Now that parenting is taking up all your non-housecleaning time and time and brainspace I'm glad you've decided to get back to acting in movies.
2-3 years raising kids is plenty.

mo: your mother so outclasses you

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

sare and mo would like you to lean in close so they can show you something.

sare: HERE IS A LETTER
I WILL DICTATE IT TO YOU
DEAR DUMB GUY,
THE COPY MACHINE
IT BROKE, OK?
YOU HAVE THAT THING YOU NEED A LOT OF COPIES OF, SO YOU TAKE IT TO ANOTHER FLOOR
aND IF THE DOOR IS LOCKED
LISTEN CAREFULLY RING THE DAM ASS BELL
mo: GOT IT
READING BACK
sare: ALSO, GUY?
ARE YOU PHOTOCOPYING A MAP ON GRAPH PAPER?
mo: DEAR IDIOT,
GO AWAY AND FIGURED OUT YOUR PROBLEMS SOMEWHERE ELSE.
sare: DO YOU NEED THAT FOR WORK, OR YOUR D&D ADVENTURE TEAM?
ALSO, EVERY EYE THAT GETS ROLLED AT ME
GETS STABBED
mo: PS - YOU ARE NOT JUST IDIOT BUT POTENTIAL BIG TIME NERDZ SO DON'T COME NEAR ME WITH YOUR HOSTILITY
sare: THAT IS RULE #15 IN THE GREAT BOOK
"A ROLLED EYE GETS STABBED"
YES
NERD HOSTILITY IS THE WERST
THEY ARE SO SWEATY AND PASSIVE
AND i AM SO STABBY!
mo: BECAUSE THEMS MAYBES THE SMARTER ONES BUT THEY DONT HAVE THE LOVE BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO MUCH INVOLVED IN HATING BECAUSE THEY MAYBES ARE TAKING MORE OF AN INTEREST IN SMARTS THAN PERSONAL HI!GENES. ITS OK TO DO THAT JUST DON'T GET THE MADS AT USES
sare: YES YOU MAKE A CLEAR POINT
THE POINT I MAKE IS THIS:
STAB
mo: YOUR WAY IS MUCH MORE EFFECTIVE
STAB STAB
sare: I LIKE TO CUT THROUGHT THE CRAPS
mo: WE START AGENCY?
sare: MORE WORK FOR US
I SAY
STAB
mo: JUST THE STABBING
OK
I TELL YOU WHAT
I'LL INC. US AND YOU DO STABBING PARTS
I LIKE THE MONEY FOR THE STABBINGS
sare: OH MAN
mo: AND I LIKE HAVING AN OFFICE KS?
sare: I ALSO DO PUNCHING
SEE ME FOR GREAT RATES ON FARTING ON HEADS
I WILL GIVE YOU THE FINGER. FIRST FINGER IS FREEEEEE!
mo: I GOT US A TAX ID
sare: I PUNCHED IT AND GAVE IT THE FINGER!
mo: SARIE?
WE NEEDS IT
sare: ITS'S STILL GOOD
mo: HERE'S HOPINGS IRS DON'T FUCK US UP THE ASS
ALSO PLEASE TELL ME THAT WE'RE NOT OFFERING THAT
sare: I'M SHINING MY PUNCHING HAND
OH!
NO MO
WE ONLY F THE FERS
mo: I'M FULLY AWARE OF THE PRINCIPALS OF CUT THE CRAP! JEEPERS ... BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE A PART OF THE COMPANY IF WE'RE GONNA FUCK THE FUCKERS UP THE ASS
sare: PUNCH
FINGER (MIDDLE F-U ONE)
STAB
STRANGLE *SPECIAL GOLD CLIENTS ONLY
mo: I'M BACK IN!
sare: SOME BITEY
I SOMETIMES WANT TO BITE FACES
I CAN DO THAT ON MY OWN TIME
mo: OK! MAKE SURE YOU WEAR ONE OF THOSE DENTAL DAMS
sare:
BUREAUCRACY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I PUNCH IT TO DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
mo: * cleans up bureaucracy *
* apologizes *
SARIE!
WE'RE RUNNING A BUSINESS!
I CAN'T CLEANS UP EVERYTHINGS
JUST THE MAN UNDER BEAURACRACY CAN WE DESTROY
sare: HOW I ROLL YO
*WALKS AWAY
mo: * unsets up shop *
* cries *
mo: I'M GONNA SELL LEMONAIDE

LONG PAUSE

sare: Sorry
I had to go punch the fax machine
mo: no worries
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