Mo tries for an apology but finds a guest poster instead.

mo: Hello, Ryan! I am writing to you today to again apologize to you for not coming - I have so much potato salad left over to show my good intentions that turned bad because of the shoot thing that I had to do on Sunday instead of Saturday.
Love,
Michele


Ryan: Dear Michele,
Your presence was greatly missed. We have sworn to redo the party for those that missed the event the first time. However, it may or may not be at our pad. Anyone willing to offer up their internet wired home and an amp with microphone can also have some karaoke goodness.
Love,
Ryan


mo: Dear Ryan,
I will bring the best potato salad that I have ever made in my life to the next place. I, unfortunately, don't know of internet wired home folks. On second thought, I probably do actually know those people ... makes me wonder now about everyone I know. Are they unclean like that? Eeew. I may not have an internet wired home, but I am going to be having a party with Stanny! in July and hope you can attend.
Love,
Mo


Ryan: Dear Michelle,
Keep on truckin.
Love,
Ryan


mo: Dear Ryan,
Who is this Michelle?
Love,
Michele


Ryan: Dear Meeshell,
Plan B is in effect. Neutralize the target.
Love,
Ryan


mo: Dear Ryan,
Meeshell is on the move. I, Voltare, am here to use my septergun to her symbolatic pore. There is one last action item before the distruction. Hope you're well.
V


Ryan: Dear V,
Please refrain from signing your memos V. That movie has cost our IT department days of work.
Ryan


mo: Dear Ryan,
* evil chuckle inserted here *
Good!
KISSES!
v


Ryan: Dear V,
LOL. keep up the good evil ork.
yes. ork
Ryan


mo: FOOL!
I TOLD YOU NEVER TO REFER TO ORK ON A MEMO!
YOU'VE RUINED THIS SCREEN!


Ryan: | > erase subroutine boot < |


mo: I'M MELTING


Ryan: | > file V deleted <|
Dear person with no identity,
You're fired.
Ryan


mo: Ryan,
I quit!


Ryan: Stranger,
The address you are trying to reach has moved with no forwarding address.
USPS


mo: USPS, OH, well, I soon shall take over somwhere else! as soon as my identity is re-revealed to me. A nobody with nowhere to be. I love soup.
x


Ryan: < dial tone >

sare and mo celebrate someone noticing the new mail folders

sare: someone noticed the new mail folders!
*eye sparkle
mo: did you smile sweetly?
sare: to myself!
then i died
then I came back to life!
then i ate brains
bc i dont know feelings
mo: my mind glitters very soon
sare: about what!
mo: feelings being important
sare: oh shit, i eat them!
mo: yes!
sare: delicious
now you dead too!
mo: yes!
ooh! feelings ... whoa, whoa, whao feelings taste good

sare: i wish everyone was an actor
SO THEY WOULD SPEAK THE FUCK UP
mo: OR SO YOU COULD EAT ALL THEIR EMOTIONS
sare: I CAN NOT HEAR YOU
NOW YOU DEAD TOO
LIKE THAT
mo: EMOTICONS IN YOUR MOUTH
sare:
I EAT IT

:o)
TAKE THAT CLOWNY FACE
YOU INSIDE MY BELLY NOW
mo: TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE DOWN AND GET IN MY BELLY!
sare: @-'-----
ACK!
WHY YOU SO THORNY
SO BEAUTIFUL
SO THORNY!
mo: < < <( ) ( )> > > >
i ate you bra!
sare: (.Y.)
AND TH4E BOOBIES
yeah, i'll spell "the" with a 4
watch me!
mo: I SAY EAT IT!
EAT THAT SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH AND DONT WORRY ABOUT CALORIES
sare: i'm starting to get a little full
how to zombies do it?
mo: squirm
I don't know!
sare: you know what they do?
mo: * evil laugh
sare: they make a hole
mo: I OF COURSE KNOW
sare: and just pull some stuff out
mo: I'VE BEEN ZOMBIE SINCE 1929
sare: and make room
OOOOOH SHIT!!!!
no way
mo: I DIDN'T EAT YOU BECAUSE I LOVE YOU
BUT NOW YOU KNOW
I EAT YOU
sare: i love you too
lets make zombie babies
mo: yay!
so sweet when they dribbles the blood.

sare: ok
now i'm grossed out
mo: haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
did i do that?
i grossed you out?
sare: yeah, and scene
mo: me!
i did?
yes!
* truly i'm excited!
sare: >shiver<

sare and mo get back to their roots

sare: ARGH
mo: work?
sare: hate work
uch
jerx
this is what i want
1
make out with a super cot guy
hot that should say
on a couch
while it rains outside
with the windows open
then we have sex
THAT IS WHAT I WANT
NOT TO ANSWER PHONES
NOT TO HAVE PEOPLE BE SHITTY TO ME
NOT TO FUCKING CLEAN A GODDAMN KITCHEN NINETY TIMES
PUNCH
KILLKILL
KILL
LISA IS NOT FUCKING HERE!!!!!!
mo: LISA TOOK THE DAM ASS DAY OFF BECAUSE SHE IS RICH
AND IS THEREFORE ALLOWED MORE RICHES LIKE DAYS OFF
sare: FUCK YEAH!
TAKE YOUR TUDE AND MEMORIALIZE IT YOU STUPID FUCK
I WOULD SETTLE
FOR
A
GOODDDAMN
HUG!
mo: HUGH GRANT
(I DON'T 'DO' HUGS )
BUT I DO HUGH GRANT!
OOH!
YES I DO
sare: GA
ROSS
mo: COMEON YOU WANNA!
sare: MAYBE IN 4 WEDDIGS
BUT NOTHING ELSE
mo: oh
OK!
I GOT IT
HUGH JACKMAN
sare: NO
mo: oh
HUGH LAURIE
sare: EW!
I WROTE "HUG" NOT GODDAMNED HUGH!
mo: I DON'T DO HUGS ONLY MEN NAMED HUGHS
sare: I DONT WANT A HUG FOR YOU!
mo: NOW ! I QUIT FRIENDSHIP WITH SARAN!
oh
sare: I WENT TO HIGH SCUOOL WIOTH A GIRL NAMED SARAN
AND WE QUIT FRIENDSHIP AFTER GRADUATION
mo: THEN I QUIT HER
sare: SO TOO LATE
mo: BECAUSE I ALMOST MADE A BED I DIDNT' WANT TO SLEEP IN
sare: I ALREADY HIT THAT!
2
TO SLEEP
mo: I GOT IT!
sare: IN A BED
WITH A LOVELY MAN
CUDDLY LIKE
mo: HUGHEY LEWIS SANS THE NEWS
sare: V
M
T
MAYBE WHEN I WAS TEN BUT THAT SHIT IS ILLEGAL
mo: OK!
THE NEPHEW OF DONALD DUCK!
sare: OH NOW YOU'RE JUST BEING SILLY
mo: I'M ALL OUT OF HUGHS I'M SO LOST WITHOUT THEM
sare: STOP TALKING ABOUT THINGS i DONT WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111
mo: I WILL NOW LEAVE [REDACTED] WHERE I WORK AND FIND YOU A HUG! SANS H
sare: OH SHIT YOU ARE GONE???
*CRIES*
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
mo: HA!
I FOUND A GUY TO HUG!
HE'S A SALOR AND HIS NAME IS COINICIDENTLY HUGH
sare: HUGH RYHMES WITH EW
SAILOR=GAY
Sent at 2:01 PM on Friday
sare: GO ALREADY
JUST GO!
I DON'T NEED YOU
i DON'T NEED ANYBODY!
mo: MICHELE RHYMES WITH DEFEAT
*SOB
SARAH DOESNT NEED ANYONE BECAUSE I COULDNT HELP HER
sare: I AM UNHELPABLE
mo: NO YOU'RE ASKING HTE WRONG PERSON
I'M UNHELP TO HELPFUL
HELP
MEOW?
sare: ME
OW
sare: YOU HELPED BY LISTENING YOU ARE A TRUE FRIEND
mo: SOLIOQUE: MY SARAH NEEDS THE LOVE THAT I CAN NOT GRANT HER AND SO I MUST AWAY TO THE MIDDLE EARTH AND SEEK OUT NOT A HUGH BUT A MAN WITH A HUG SENSIBILITY! A MAN WITH A CUDDLE INSTINCT! MAYHAP IF HE SHOULD ALSO POSSES A MUSICAL KNOWLEDGE THAT WOULD BENEFIT MY MISTRESS ... ALAS, MY JOUNEY MUST BEGIN ... I BEQUEATH TO ALL A SENSE OF JOY WHICH I COULD NEVER GIVE TO YOU
sare: oh man!

mo gets jury duty

sare: are you almost done?
oh!
congrats!
mo: nope
we won't hear until at least 2:15
hows solitare doing?
sare: i won
so then i quit

MY JOB!
mo: woo!
haaaaaaaaa
sare: TAKING IT ON THE ROAD MUTHERTRUCKERS
mo: did you check out my AMAZING pictures ?
that's right!
sare: YES
I LIKE YOUR FACE
mo: i'll be with you taking picutres
i'll be your documenturian!
hee
sare: I AM TOO PWERFUL WITH MY CARD PALYING SKILLS
I KILL WITH CARDS
mo: and i photolog it
sare: I WHIP THEM AT SOMEONE AND HIT YOUR JUGULAR
SORRY! I GOTTA KILL
IT'S IN MY BLOOD
mo: * snap * * snap *
sare: OHSHIT EVIDNCE
mo: that's me with my CAMERA FONE
sare: OH SNAP!
mo: they don't know WHOS did it
just WHOS deads
sare: UNTRACEABLEITY!
mo: no one will know who publishes on www.kittensandhatred.textamerica.com
sare: IT IS SECRECY AND LIES AND MAYBE WE DOCTORED THE PHOTOS
mo: OH! DEFS
sare: WHEN YOU GET CLOSE TO HE ANSWER . . . .
mo: oh, no they are on to us
sare: JACK OF CLUBS TO YOUR FACES~!
mo: i will expire in two min!
sare: AW CRAP
S
mo: you go forth AND KILL!
its in your bloods
don't worry about me
i won't tell them about you
just do your destiny!
sare: DESTINY NO GO TO JAIL
sare: DESTINY EATS A SDANDWWISH IN THE PARK
MAYBE DESTINY BECOMES A NOTARY
I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT
JACK OF SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADES
IN THE NECK
you've not there anymore, are you?
EXPIRED

sare and mo sing a song

sare: and when the nightwind starts to sing a lonesome
lullaby
it helps
to think
we're sleeping
undernteath the
same
big
skyyyyyyyyyyyyy
mo: i'm crying
look
you've made me cry
sare: that's all i wanted michele
mo: WELL YOU BITCH!
sare: that and a fucking pizza
mo: i cried pizza slices but then i ATE IT TO SPITE YOU
sare: i don't really want to eat pizza, i just kind of want to sit in a big pile of it
and just kind of be there
so cry some more and put the slices in a like
a big casket
and i can be a pizza vampire
late night snacks, i dont have to go far!
no tripping in the dark!
mo: * ahem
* adjusts glasses
um, um, technically, you won't BE in the dark
oh, wait
i mean
um
ok here's what i mean
you'll be out during the night = dark
and during the day AS A VAMPIRE you'd be asleep
duh
sare: oh yeah!
so not tripping
to worry about
BUT FRYING TO DEATH UNDER THE RAYS OF THE SUN
mo: you'll have to pick another kind of vampire to be
sare: shit no, son
fucking pizza, the thin crust kind
or chicken souvlaki
they make a nice tzatziki at zorba's.
hiss!

sare and mo sign off after a long day of hate

sare: oh yes
neat
im not going to schweds
ok
i go home now
talk to you tomorrow
gl w you r proj
lovelovelove
mo: i am not either!
i love you
i have A SHOW TOMORROW YOU IGNORER
break legs tonight
much love
sare: I KNOW YOU DO
GOOD GD LUCK WITH IT
mo: YOU HATE ME
ITS TOMORROW JACKIMO
sare: I KNOW YOU HAD A DAM ASS SHOW
I KNOW!
mo: YEAH - BUT YOU SAID YOU WERE NOT GOING TO DAM ASS ASH
sare: JEEESZUS LUWEEZUS
I KNOW
mo: * HUFF
sare: I WAS JUST GD TELLING YOU
OH HERE WE GO AGAIN
mo: YOU TELL ME STUFF THAT DOESN'T RELATE TO ME
I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT
sare: GO LOOK IN A MIRROR YOU SHOW DOER
mo: YOU GO DO A SHOW AND THEN LOOK IN THE MIRROR
OH! BOTHER
sare: YOU LOOK IN A MIRROR AND ASK WHOS FAREIST
mo: THE DAM ASS ANSWER IS WHEN YOU LOOK IN THE DAM ASS MIRROR, RACIST
sare: RACIST!
YOU ARE!
YOU'RE THE RACIST
mo: DAM ASS NOT RIGHT YOU ARE
sare: !
mo: * DOUBLE HUFF
I CALL YOU ESKIMO BECAUSE YOU MAKE ME SO COLD
sare: SURPISE SURPISE YOU ARE HUFFING AGAIN
KEEP HUFFING AND THERE WILL BE NO O2 FOR THE REST OF US!!!!
mo: I'M A DAM ASS WOLF!
I AIN'T NO PIG!
sare: can we make up? i really gotta leave
mo: ok! yeah me too
sare: ok
mo: i heartsdale you
sare: talk to you tomorrow!
mo: i'm moving to heartsdale
sare: hearts for eyes!
mo: ok!
mwah
sare: lovelovebyby
mo: be
good
bye

sare and mo are famous

mo: i say, i say!
britney is pregnant again!
old news you say

sare: right?

mo: may be!
but i feel like discussing it with you

sare: that dude is so greasy

mo: she has gone straight to white trash
like nobodys business

sare: i know
i feel for her though
because she knows she cant sing
and she just wants to hang out and be in a dysfunctional relationship
and drink red bull and and cry like a normal girl
and SHE CANT

mo: she's not allowed
and frankly, i'd take it

sare: BECAUSE THE PLOPPPERAZO'S ALLOVER MY AYUSS ALL DAM DAY

mo: i would

sare: me too dude

mo: I MAYBE CRY ABOUT IT
ONCE IN AWHILE
BUT THEN
I'D GO
OH
YEAH!

sare: i'm gonna cry anyway

mo: I'M A LITTLE ASS STAR

sare: might as well be DAM ASS RICJH

mo: i will work it out with SOME NEW CLOTHES

sare: i will HAVE THE ABILITY TO BUY GROCERIES AND HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE too see me through the dark times

mo: YEAH!
i will put monies in my ing account
and watch it grow!

sare: and people take my pictures and i go MutherfuckinCHEESEbitch

mo: THANKS FOR MAKING MY MOVIE NUMBER ONE
now please stop stepping on my big ass humvee so i can go to malibu

sare: MY LIFE IS TOUGH!

mo: I HAVE GOT TO GET MY HAIRS COMBED!

sare: I CAN MAKE IT THOUGH WITH THE LOVE MY MY SPUERMODEL REALESTATE BROKER BOYFRIEND
I HAVE TO GET MY TOOESES INKED!

mo: OH! MY BOOBIES ARE A LITTLE SAGGY
PLEASE, MAURICE, MY SECRETARY / COUNCELOR CALL UP DR. FILLMEUP

sare: people love me so much i can barely stand it WOE IS MUTHERLOVEINME!

mo: * gets a call from entertainment weekly
* finds out they want me on cover
* huffs because I JUST HAD A BABY!
* loses 15 lbs in 24 hrs
SITS HALF NAKED ON THE COVER OF EW

sare and mo make a descision and accidentally get married

mo: then that's our pact!
lets cut our faces and rub the blood together later
sare: ok
but instead of blood can we use something else?
mo: PUDDING!
sare: yes
mo: and HOT HOT HOT MARSHMELLOWS
sare:and instead of rubbing eachother faces
can we just eat with a spoon
?
mo: ONLY IF ITS A SPORK
sare: to you I make this solemn vow.
mo: i do!
now, we're married!
sare: delicious.

mo took two days off

Sare: YOU COULD EMAIL OR SOMETHING YOU KNOW.
AT LEAST.

>cries<

>checks email<

>cries more<

>rocks in seat<

>pulls at hair<

>takes multivitamin<

>looks for text message<

>remembers mo doesn't text<

>cries harder<

>texts with brother instead<

>stomps with anger<

>looks at old picture of us together<




>misses the olden days<

>like little house on the prarie times<

>checks email<

>cries!<

>snacks<