sare and mo take on google results

sare: when i google myself
i am not even on the first page
it's all swimmers and some dietitian
i want to write SARAH N*WAK
all over everything
so MY stuff comes up
sare: sarahn*wak
is almost ALL ME
so i got that going for me
mo: you've got your health
and your name connected
and great hair
and shiny smile
but that's IT
sare: nothing else
NO FAME
NO GLORY!
what if someone is looking for me
they are going to think I am someone else
mo: crap
we need to start a petition
sare: write SARAH N*WAK everywhere
SARAH N*WAK IS IN NEW YORK CITAY!
mo: SARAH N0WAK DOES NOT EAT BABIES
sare: SARAH N0WAK WILL LISTEN TO YOUR STORIES ABOUT YOUR EX BOYFRIEND
SARAH N0WAK IS AVAILABLE TO COACH YOUR IMPROV TEAM
mo: SARAH N0WAK HAS THE KINDEST EYES YOUVE EVER SEEN
sare: SARAH N0WAK DOESNT MIND IF WE GET A TABLE OR SIT AT THE BAR
mo: SARAH N0WAK HAS A CAMERA AND SHE REALLY DOES KNOW HOW TO USE IT
sare: SARAH N0WAK WILL RETURN YOUR EMAILS PROMPTLY
mo: SARAH N0WAK DOES KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE
sare: SARAH N0WAK MAKES A PRETTY NICE GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH
mo: SARAH N0WAK HAS BEEN TO EUROPE THANK YOU VERY MUCH
sare: SARAH N0WAK THINKS GOING TO THE BATTING CAGES IS PERFECTLY ACCEPTIBLE FOR A THIRD OR FOURTH DATE, AS LONG AS YOU BOTH AGREE AND ARE DRESSED FOR THE OCCASION
mo: SARAH N0WAK WOULD NEVER READ YOUR PERSONAL DIARY
BUT SHE'D TOTALLY READ YOUR BLOG
sare: SARAH N0WAK IS AN AMAZING FRENCH KISSER AND DECENT SPELLER
mo: SARAH N0WAK LOVES TO HAVE MASHED POTATOES WITH JACK CHEESE
sare: that should be good enough.
I am a child.

sare and mo call each other grasshopper

mo: HE DIES
DEAD
sare: JUST KIDDING I DO NOT CARE
NO!
I WAS JUTS KIDDIGN WHEN I SAID I WAS JUST KIDDING
ALL MEN DIE
NO
NOT ALL MEN DIE
mo: BOO STAYS ALIVE
sare: SOME MEN STAY ALIVE TO SERVE US FOOD AND DRINK IN RESTAURANTS
mo: BUT THATS 'CAUSE HE AINT A MAN
YES!
WAIT ON US
sare: AND PAY FOR IT
WE CAN AFFORD TO PAY FOR IT
BUT THEY DO IT FOR US
mo: OH! TRULY
sare: IN GRATITUDE OF LETTING THEM STAY ALIVE
mo: THEY DONT DESERVE US TO SHARE
THEY ARE VERY LUCKY WE LET THEM LIVE
sare: THEY DO THINGS FOR US
BUT IT IS MOSTLY JUST WOOMEN
AND WE CAN DO WHATEVER WE WANT AND NOBODY MAKES FUN
WE DONT ALL LOVE SHOES
ITS OK TO CRY ALOT!
ARE YOU STILL THERE
mo: ITS OK TO TALK ABOUT THE KITTENS
ALL THE TIMES
sare: I WILL DOMINATE THE WORLD ALL ALONE
OH GOOD
mo: HEY!
sare: I THOUGHT YOU HAD TAKEN UP WITH A MAN!
mo: AND WE ALSO CAN LOOK AT BABY FACES AND SQUEAL
AND MAYBE WE JUST NEED SOME MORE WINE
AND WE DO DESERVE IT
sare: YESTERDAY BRIAN AND I WORKED OUT A PLAN TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD USING PSEUDO-LESBIANS AND MAKING OUT
mo: YOU AND HE MAKE OUT?
sare: WAIT A SECOND
BRIAN IS A MAN'S NAME
SONOVABITCH
I'VE BEEN TRICKED
mo: SARE! YOU ARE NOT TAKING THIS SERIOUSLY
sare: I AM TAKING IT SERIOUSER THAN YOU ARE
mo: YOU ARE HAVING THE MAKE'EMOUTS WITH A BOYS
sare: NO I AM NOT!!!!!!!!!
THE LESBIANS MAKE OUT
I DO NOT
WITH ANYONE
mo: YOU HAVEN'T LEARNED ANYTHING
sare: EVER
EVER
EVER
mo: YOU COULD LEARN
BUT YOU WON'T
sare: YOU COULD LEARN!
WHAT IS TO LEARN?
mo: LEARN TO LEAVE 'EM
* SIGH
sare: LEAVE WHAT?
LESBIANS?
TEMPORARY LESBIANS?
mo: GOOD ONE GRASSHOPER
sare: SHUT UP
YOURE A GRASSHOPPER
mo: WAIT!
THAT'S SO RUDE
sare: PUT A SOCK IN IT GRASSHOPPER
mo: OUCH
sare: I SORRY
mo: YOU !
sare: WILL YOU STILL TAKE OVER THE UNIVERSE WITH ME?
mo: IF NOTHING BETTER COMES UP
sare: SWEET

sare & mo use this word in a sentance

sare: it's about being eligible to be a pope
papabile

mo: ha

sare: popeable

mo: popecycle
the cycle of pope

sare: popescile
delicious, pious
gravy flavored

mo: pope-er-aide

sare: pope-ems donut holes

mo: poped potatoes

sare: the new pope is so dope!

mo: Power to the Pople

sare: pope-e-mon, GOTTA CATHC EM ALL!

mo: Pope-to-Men A-B-C

sare and mo predict the g*d*am future already

sare: DEAR MGICK EIGHT BALL
WHYEVERYONE SOSOCRAZYY
?
mo: my source says no
sare: DEAR MARGIC EIGHTBALL
WHYY EVERYONE SO CRAZY ALL THE TIME
?
mo: without a doubt
sare: DEAR MARGIC EIGHT BALL
DO YU AVE CRUSHES ON EM?
ME?
mo: Reply hazy, try again
sare: YOU ARE MEANS!
mo: it is certain
sare: YOU GOT BUBBNLES IN YOUR BREAINS
mo: my sources say no
sare: OOOOOH! MAGIC EIGHTBALL YO UMAKE ME SO FRUSTRWATED IT IS CRAZY
OH WAIT
DISREGARD MY FIRST QUESTIN
WANT A SNAKC EIGHTBAL
mo: cannot predict now
sare: WELL YOU CAN T HAVE ONE YOU ARE A PLASCITC BALL AND YOU HAVE TO MAINTIN YOU RFIGURE!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
mo: it is decidedly so
sare: SEEI AM RIGHT WHY I ASK YIOU ANYTHING
mo: yes definitely
sare: YOU DO HAVE A CRUSAH I KNEW YOU WOULD SLIPP UP
mo: don't count on it
sare: NOW YO UCHANGE YOUR MIND
YOU SO FIKLE
mo: without a doubt
sare: TELL ME ABOUT IT LOLOLOLOLOLOL
mo: better not tell you now
sare: OK I PU YOU AWAY HOW YOU LIKE THAT
mo: as i see it yes
sare: YOU GONNA MISS ME BC YOU HAVE A HUSGE CRUSH
mo: it is certain
sare: YOU LOVE ME I GET IT YOU DONT HAVE TO BE A BROEKN RECORD ABOU TITI
mo: my sources says no
sare: CUPBOARDED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
mo: my sources says no
sare: SHUT U P IN THERE BALL!
mo: most likely

sare and mo predict the g*d*am future already

sare: DEAR MGICK EIGHT BALL
WHYEVERYONE SOSOCRAZYY
?
mo: my source says no
sare: DEAR MARGIC EIGHTBALL
WHYY EVERYONE SO CRAZY ALL THE TIME
?
mo: without a doubt
sare: DEAR MARGIC EIGHT BALL
DO YU AVE CRUSHES ON EM?
ME?
mo: Reply hazy, try again
sare: YOU ARE MEANS!
mo: it is certain
sare: YOU GOT BUBBNLES IN YOUR BREAINS
mo: my sources say no
sare: OOOOOH! MAGIC EIGHTBALL YO UMAKE ME SO FRUSTRWATED IT IS CRAZY
OH WAIT
DISREGARD MY FIRST QUESTIN
WANT A SNAKC EIGHTBAL
mo: cannot predict now
sare: WELL YOU CAN T HAVE ONE YOU ARE A PLASCITC BALL AND YOU HAVE TO MAINTIN YOU RFIGURE!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
mo: it is decidedly so
sare: SEEI AM RIGHT WHY I ASK YIOU ANYTHING
mo: yes definitely
sare: YOU DO HAVE A CRUSAH I KNEW YOU WOULD SLIPP UP
mo: don't count on it
sare: NOW YO UCHANGE YOUR MIND
YOU SO FIKLE
mo: without a doubt
sare: TELL ME ABOUT IT LOLOLOLOLOLOL
mo: better not tell you now
sare: OK I PU YOU AWAY HOW YOU LIKE THAT
mo: as i see it yes
sare: YOU GONNA MISS ME BC YOU HAVE A HUSGE CRUSH
mo: it is certain
sare: YOU LOVE ME I GET IT YOU DONT HAVE TO BE A BROEKN RECORD ABOU TITI
mo: my sources says no
sare: CUPBOARDED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
mo: my sources says no
sare: SHUT U P IN THERE BALL!
mo: most likely

sare & mo find out who will save their soul

mo: do you know who is a bastard?
i'm going to tell you and you can disagree
but it's my bosscakes

sare: oh no

mo: oh no you aren't going to disagree?

sare: why would i deisagree
I'm not there!

mo: i dont know maybe a sweet bird came to you

sare: well jeez! i dunno
shucks

mo: a little bird DID?

sare: she told me to keep my trap shut if I "knew what was good for me"

mo: that's a tough bird!

sare: i'm a little shaken

mo: ah, sare. i can not tell you how sorry i be

sare: it's fine
it's fine

mo: no

sare: OHGOD
WAIT
the little bird is back

mo: what? what?

sare: and
she
she knows I talked

mo: desprate times call for desperate measures
don't think about it - just do it ... do the dance

sare: I ca . . .I can't

mo: sare?
it's.your.life.

sare: the bird

mo: i'll never get across town in time

sare: she's just staring at me
ok
here goes
>does a little bit of this<
>and then, cautiously, a little bit of that<

mo: * bom chitty bom bow *

sare: >then, mournfully, wiggles her tail<

mo: * base starts the beatting *

sare: but, i did it. i gotta keep
oh
it gets faster
>little bit of this<
>little bit of that<

mo: * musics building *

sare: wiggles tail<
>clapclapclapclap<

mo: * BOMCHITTYBOMBOW *

sare: >flapping arms!<
>making chkcy hands!<

mo: * WOOP WOOP *

sare: >arms become blur!<

mo: * SHE'S ON IT SHE'S ON IT *
* BIRDY DI-DI *
* WOOP WOOP *

sare: no da-da-da parts, where we link arms?
>COLLAPSES!<

mo: * bird dies on top *

sare: mo?

mo: yeah, sare?

sare: what were we talking about?

mo: I have no idea ... but I have a feeling we might just need a mai tai

sare and mo don't know what in the world they're going to wear

mo: this.just.in!
we're performing on sunday @ 8 sare, how about that?
sare: that's pretty nuts!
mo: crazy right?'
sare: so we're a website, how do we become a show?
mo: well, we have fingers, so maybe there's more to us?
sare: DOUBTFUL

mo is away from her computer right now.

sare: ay!
Sent at 9:35 AM on Monday
sare: are you dere?
Sent at 9:37 AM on Monday
sare: ok
i get in car and go bye bye
i come back to new york
i took cute pics
want anything from buffalo?
nobody talka me!
i have rehearsal tonight.
sigh.
Sent at 9:41 AM on Monday
sare: MORNING TELEVISION!

mo & sare day in the life

mo: * wonders if i can convince sarah that i am talking to rob lowe
* shakes head knowingly

sare: wait, what?
really?

mo: * it worked
* high fives own self

sare: have you been outside?

mo: nope

sare: its 75

mo: what the?

sare: i know!

mo: seventy five!!!
rob lowe is really excited

sare: oh crap!
seriously?

mo: * high fives own self
Yep!


sare: you are so lucky!

mo: * kisses back of hand

sare: i bet he's eating at that mile long buffet yuo guys have there
god, i wish i had your job!

mo: Yep and he just put on the new shoes they handed out during breakfast
they're converse that say my name on them

sare: i haven't had new shoes in over a year!
that's true. aw, shit.

mo: that needs to change

sare: tell me more about how you get a dollar everytime you surf to a new non-work related website?

mo: well, they just upped it

sare: aw man!

mo: you get $1 and a massage

sare: So Jealous!!!!!!!

mo: WHILE YOU'RE VIEWING

sare: oh man
and Rob Lowe is there?

mo: Rob Lowe is the one giving me a massage
Hello!

sare: !!!!!!!

mo: (that was Rob Lowe)

sare: i might die!
he can see me type?

mo: * starts laughing so hard that vmt comes out of my nose

sare: does this font make me look fat?

mo: he can see you in the camera i have set up in your office

sare: oh!
hi!

mo: he says that he'd like to marry you after he finishes my massage

sare: Alright! That's it, I am offically dead from awesome!

mo: * nervously calls 911

sare: I'M GONNA BE CHAD LOWE'S SISTER IN LAW

mo: * looks around for fire putterouter

sare: HE BETTER GET HIS DAM ASS HANDS OFF OF YOU
SERIOUSLY
HE'S MY FIANCE
OH MICHELE!

mo: * runs into glass that encloses office

mo and sare sort of get new identities again.

sare: showalter is a great name
know what else is a great last name?
workman
and
newhouse
mo: sizemore
sare: i love those kinds of names
yes!
mo: if i had to choose my last name though, it'd be pumpkin
sare: seriously?
mo: kind of
sare: mine would be August
or!
mo: nice
sare: or!
Beane!
Beane is great
I LOVE NOUNS!
mo: now though, i want to change my first name to fit my last
sare: ok
mo: Canyon
Canyon doesn't work with pumpking
pumpking!
sare: Pmpking!
mo: Canyon Lowrey
sare: Iris
or Ivy pumpkin
mo: hmmm
that's nice
sare: Ivy F*cking Pumpkin
mo: indeedy
hero would also be an awesome middle name - ivy hero pumpkin
sare: now this is just getting silly.
mo: wouldn't you like to make people smile just by saying your name?
sare: i met a girl named panda.
she seemed embarrassed.
mo: she should not be!
i would just hug her
sare: yeah ,well.
mo: however, I would never do that to my child
like my friend pleasure
sare: yeah. all the hugging would get weird
of course,
i knew a guy named bob
and he seemed embarrassed a lot, too
mo: was his last name Kat?
too much?
sare: i didnt ask
he looked shady
mo: Maybe his name was bob white kat
and was so confused
i think that if i wanted to though, i could totally change my name
so, don't think i couldnt'
sare: people say that people who change their names are trying to create a new identity for themselves, like, a new image
because they are DISATISFIED WITH THEMSELVES
mo: MAYBE I AM DISATISFIED WITH MYSELF
sare: are you DISATISFIED with yourself, Ivy Pumpkin?
ARE YOU REALLY????????????
mo: it's ivy HERO pumpkin
sare: YOU ARE A SAMURAI!
YOU JUST WALKED UP A WALL!
mo: i have many songs written about my middle name!
sare: LIKE IN THAT MOVIE
SHAOLIN SOCCER!
mo: I DIDN'T SEE IT BECAUSE IVY HERO PUMPKIN DOESN'T HAVE TIME, SHE'S TOO BUSY SAVING KITTENS FROM DANGER
sare: MY ORIGINAL NAME IS BRITANY ASHLEY DEANDRA SUPERCRUSH
mo: WAIT! ALL MY SENSE OF YOU IS GONE
YOU AREN'T TRULY SARE?
sare: OF COURSE i AM!
NOW.
mo: WHAT DID YOU RUN FROM?


mo: IS THAT TOO PERSONAL? IT MAY BE
I'M SORRY BRIT - I MEAN, SARE
sare: RUNNING FROM MYSELF!
AND THIS GOLLD*MN*SS PRINTER
brb
works suck
s

mo is in acceptance

ah, sare! wherever you are, i hope you are well. my heart while sad is ready to let you go. i wish you the best the world has to offer. i wish you funny, scary movies, like shaun of the dead, before the hype. you would have loved it if no one had told you about it, i feel certain of that, but everything happens for a reason. i wish you some wonderful hairdresser to wash your head to the point where you're almost asleep and then the best mirrors to look in while she gives you the best trim in the world. i wish you steak upon steak upon steak and mashed potatoes with some fancy blue cheese melted in it for spice whenever you desire. but more than this, i wish you love.

mo is in the depression

i'm not even going to bother to pretend that you're here any more. you're off with your new life. i'm here. trapped. you're not coming back. i'll never leave this seat with the phone that rings, looking out at the blue sky with no hope of feeling the rays of sunshine on my freckled skin. i'm just a nobody in a world full of nobodys. its not cool but who cares? no one thats who.

mo is in the bargaining

mo: listen, sare. i know you think you should be on this vacation but you should come back and i then, i shall give you my ipod with all of my musics on it. that's including all of my dolly parton and musical theater scores.

sare:

mo: hmmm ... maybe that wouldn't appeal to someone like you. someone who is so very needed here with me in nyc. i tell you what, i will instead give you my super secret lasso that no one else in the world knows about. this lasso doesn't JUST round up whatever is in your path, it also rounds up YOUR most secret desires ... its how i got stanny! and i was going to hold on to it so that i could get that stardom i was craving, but if you come back, then its yours.

sare:

mo: ok ok ok ok ok - that may have seemed like the big guns but! i also have other magical powers. i can make it so that you never have to do laundry again - with just a toss of my hair. that's yours. not my hair. i'm going to keep my hair. unless you want my hair too? you could have it. please come home. now, please. i miss you and i'm lonely and i don't have anyone to help destroy the world with and my work is not slacking. i'm on top of stuff. to the point that my boss has noticed and COMMENDED me on it. that's not good. SARE! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT? would you like my dream catcher that i bought in shiprock, nm? it caught my very favorite dreams - its yours! including the dreams! you want my red sneakers? YOURS! you want my last box of thin mints? YOURS!

sare:

mo: * shuffles outside
* sits in park
* sobs

mo is in the anger

sare: hey!
oh shit!
im in edinburgh
we just came back from edinburgh castle
we're headed to arthurs seat
scotland is the greatest palce in the world
Wish you were here!
short on time gtg
lovelovelove

mo: what!
hello?
you already gone!?!?!

sare:

mo: SARIE!

sare:

mo: SOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I'M JUST SOMEONE YOU CAN JUST LEAVE. IS THAT IT? I'M YOUR KICK AROUND PAL. WELL, THINK ABOUT THIS, MAYBE I WON'T BE AVAILABLE FOR YOU ANY MORE ... HUH? WHAT DO YOU THINK? MAYBE I'LL GO TO EUROPE AND BE FANCIFIED AND DRINK THE BEERS AND JUST OCCASIONALLY SAY HOWDY HO! YOU KNOW WHEN I'M NOT TOO BUSY WITH THE CAVORTING. I'M NOT A STEAK, YOU CAN'T JUST ORDER ME (THANK YOU WORKING GIRL THE MOVIE WHICH IS THE BEST MOVIE IN THE WORLD WHICH IS WHY I'M A SECRETARY IN THE FIRST PLACE ... WAIT! I TAKE THAT BACK MOVIE! MAYBE I WOULDN'T BE A SECRETARY - MAYBE IF I HAD PAID A LITTLE MORE ATTENTION DURING NATIONAL VELVET, I'D BE A BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRL HORSE RIDER WITH OLD FASHIONED BRACES. WHAT WAS I THINKING? STUPID SEDUCTIVE WORKING GIRL WITH YOUR HOT HOT HARRISON FORD.) YOU ARE PROBABLY RIGHT NOW ON THE TOP OF A SCOTTISH BAR DANCING THE HOOCHI COOCHI WITH THE GUINESS! OH, YOU, YOU, YOU TRAVELER! HOWS THAT PASSPORT? IS IT MAKING YOU HAPPY. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? BECAUSE I'M HAPPY TOO. HOW DOES THAT FEEL? I GOT STICKIES & STAPLES! I MAY LOOK AT YOUR BLOG OVER AND OVER AND OVER TO SEE IF ITS BEEN UPDATED BUT THATS NOT BECAUSE I MISS YOU. NO ITS MORE BECAUSE I WANT TO SHOW MYSELF THAT YOU ARE SELISH TO THE INTERNETS NOT JUST ME ALONE.

sare:

mo: FINE! FINE! I GET IT! TRAITOR!

mo is in the denial

mo: sare! what a beautiful weekend, right? like crazy beautiful weather! i walked all over this wee island and had some starbucks which is normally the enemy but i was feeling the love of all so i thought what the hell. i tried to call you but no answer. so strange. anyway, speaking of CRAZY i got an email from my boss being all, when you give me phone messages, please make sure you write down the number because its such a waste of my time to look them up. i wonder how long it took her to type out an email? right? ha. so, how do we kill her?

sare:

mo: i'll just give her messages with no number written down. it'll just be blank. right?

sare:

mo: take that! you're dead from messages!
* sighs *
* sends email to sare *
* puts head in hands *
* waits *